


Feeling

by sunshine_kin



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, Canon, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Unsafe Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2004-02-19
Updated: 2004-02-19
Packaged: 2018-12-27 14:12:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12082695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshine_kin/pseuds/sunshine_kin
Summary: Justin's hurt, beyond repair. Brian's copes, but he doesn't feel anything anymore.





	Feeling

**Author's Note:**

> Note from IrishCaelan, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Brian_Justin_Fanfiction_Archive). To preserve the archive, I began importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in September 2017. I posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Brian/Justin Fanfiction Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/bjfic/profile).

A/N: This was originally an AU futurefic. Crippled!Justin thing. Well, kind of. This could also, now that I think about it, take place a few years after the prom. Following that season 2 and 3 don't exist.

* * *

Justin couldn't remember his name anymore. 

It had happened so long ago Brian doesn't dare look back. He fears he'll think too much and feel something. Brian doesn't feel anything anymore, so it's just as well.

The whole story is complicated, and very seldom has information leaked out even from the babbling queens of their dysfunctional family. Last heard, Justin's doctors considered relocating him back to Brian's loft. To die, of course. 

The beds creak with a white blankness stifling the air and walls, but no one notices, because no one feels anything. 

Brian is but a mechanical shell living day in and day out a pattern of vague familiarity. He still has sex though. He'll do redheads and brunettes, brown eyes and green. They're always tall and buff, with a mediocre ass. Brian isn't picky about who he fucks, except that they look nothing like Justin. When he comes from a particularly triggering orgasm, he'll softly whisper, "Jus..tin..." and when the trick looks up strangely, he'll meet their brown or green eyes, and continue, "..crease the pressure on my dick."

At first Brian would visit all the time, whispering tender promises into his ear, smile, and tickle him. When nothing happened Brian would get angry. Threaten Justin's life, with his own life, with every damn thing he could think of until he could only collapse against the closed door watching Justin's blank eyes stare back at him curiously, wondering what made this strange man cry. 

Brian would close his eyes and allow tears to seep from under his lids. Slowly sliding against the door to the floor, he looked like a child to Justin hunched over his knees in a ball. Sometimes Justin was half there, and today, Justin wanted to play with this boy so he threw a small beanbag to Brian, but the boy didn't catch it. 

Brian inhaled sharply because Justin was now throwing things at him. Brian's despair only deepened. 

Justin would watch the beanbag rebound from Brian's still form and he decided this boy was boring. He slowly rolled over and picked up two legos trying to use his useless hands to attach the pieces. Brian could only watch him struggle.

But that was only for a while. Brian became more frustrated. One evening after a long visit to Woody's he went to see Justin, who was staring out of his window looking at the moon. Only it wasn't there. Even Brian's brash entry didn't disturb his empty peace observing the nonexistent moon. Brian faced Justin and knelt so that he was level with Justin's stomach. He looked up at Justin, who was still watching the stupid non-moon. "Justin...Justin...where are you? Please come back. I need you..." and when there was no answer, he became angry. He kicked the walls and rocked the bed. Trying to get something, anything from Justin. 

Glancing down at Justin's pajama bottoms, Brian's lips curved into a cheshire smile. He grabbed Justin's limp hands and forced them high above his head as he used his weight to press Justin against the bed kissing him roughly. 

It was the best night of sex Brian had had in a long time. When he came to, Brian was shocked at the sight in front of him. Justin, naked, bruised, caked semen along his ass. He abruptly got up, dressed, cleaned Justin up as much as he could and swiftly left the room. The last thing he saw before the room was Justin sitting up with a dribble of saliva rolling down his chin as he looked out of the window searching for the sun among the clouded sky. 

That afternoon, Brian didn't come, and Justin didn't notice. Justin never noticed anything, so it didn't matter. In fact, Brian didn't return for a week. The worried physicians phoned the loft and asked if he was alright. Brian called back and said he had been away for business. He'd go see Justin later that afternoon. He did keep his word. 

But from that moment on, Brian didn't feel anything. The process from human to robot had been completed, and Brian visited Justin by sitting next to him as they searched for the moon in the black, dark, stillness outside together. Hands folded in their laps, Brian at first even saw the sun shine through the darkness into his heart. 

But there was nothing now. Brian doesn't know his own name, so Justin's doesn't matter anymore. But he knows better than to think, and instead patiently sits with Justin every night. His only comfort is that he isn't feeling anymore.


End file.
